Samstag, 3. September 2016

The Future

My future scares me. How am I supposed to know, what is the best for myself? There are so many emotions and doubts at the same time that it scares me even more. I need to sort out a lot and writing everything down on here helps me. It makes me a bit calmer. The problem is that I tend to stress myself out a lot which isn't even necessery. I think the best way to plan your future is to do the exact opposite. Don't stress yourself out and trust in your gut feeling. It is also easier to only plan what you can plan. Right now I can plan what I want to do after my Abitur-exams, but I can't plan to which university I want to go, as I'm not sure about what I want to study. For knowing that I have to get to know myself better. And therefore I need a gap year after taking my final exams. In this year I want to help. I want to learn. I want to experience a bit of freedom without losing a secure home. This is why I will volunteer. Volunteering gives me the opportunity to help others without having big responsibilities. I am not ready to be someone who works in a big enterprise. I know what I don't want to do which is always a good way to get closer to find out what you want to do. Exclude everything that won't be something you want to do. That way the activities that might work out really well for you will come in sight. That's at least how I try to figure out my future. Moreover, I found out that it doesn't help me if everyone around you makes suggestions about what you could do. They will influence you and they could make you end up somewhere you don't belong. Every single person seemed to know what's best for me. But they don't. The truth is that finding something real good might be exhausting and you might have to put in a lot of effort. But that should be worth it in the end. So, inform yourself and now what you're talking about. You are the only person, who has to understand their own decisions. Last but not least I want you to trust in where life will take you. I believe in my own life. This is the only reason why I can say "I don't know, what I'm going to do after my final exams..." with confidence. I will find my way. I will make mistakes. But I will trust in myself.
I want the journey to be wonderful.

Montag, 1. Februar 2016


Auf einmal fängt es lautstark an, zu gewittern. In diesem Moment weiß man nicht, was man empfinden soll. Angst? Wut, weil es einem Angst macht? Gar nichts? Danach ist dann alles so schnell wieder vorbei, wie es gekommen ist. Man fühlt sich frei, weil alle bedrückenden Gefühle von einem genommen wurden. Ich fühle mich frei. Ich brauche keine Angst mehr haben, dass etwas passiert, das ich nicht vorhersehen kann. Manche Dinge wie Gewitter entstehen im Leben und sie sind für uns teilweise nicht vorhersehbar. Es gibt immer Gründe dafür, dass Gewitter entstehen ob nun am Himmel oder bei uns. Hauptsache ist doch, dass wir alles gut überstehen und keine Angst davor haben, irgendwann im Leben einem neuen Gewitter zu begegnen. Sie gehören genau so zum Leben dazu wie Sonnenschein. Seit dem letzten Gewitter habe ich gelernt, keine Angst zu haben. Alles geht vorüber und wenn alles überstanden ist, dann bin ich so viel stärker.

Suddenly it starts to thunder really loudly. In this moment I'm not sure what to feel. Fear? Fury because I'm afraid of thunderstorms? Nothing? When it disappears I'm feeling free as all these bad feelings and emotions have been lifted from my mind. There's no need to be afraid anymore. Some things like thunderstorms just exist and there's nothing we can ever do about it. Arguments you have are the same. Often you cannot foresee them and that's okay. The most important thing is to know how to handle them. They are a part of life like sunshine is a part of life. Every thunderstorm will make you stronger and in the end you don't need to worry about them. They belong to life and that's nothing bad. It's about how we see them. So, the easiest thing to do is just to see them as something positive and as something that makes you stronger. Everything will be okay!